pragmatic tolerance

how to not-sweat the small stuff

Pragmatic tolerance is the acceptance of behaviour that you don’t love about your partner, but you are willing to tolerate.  It is not behaviour that is detrimental to your key relationship needs.  The pragmatic or practical part starts by quantifying. 

For example, imagine I had a great relationship with wife, but every single time my wife used our tools, she left them in the backyard.  I have asked her politely to bring them in using an i-message, but she forgets every time.  A pragmatic approach would start by quantifying - I estimate I spend 10 mins once a week bringing in tools, and $100 a year in rusted tools I couldn’t get to.  In the scheme of things I accept this as relationship rent, knowing she is forgetful and not spiteful.  I realise I could bear this cost for the rest of my life, and otherwise I have a great relationship.  

Pragmatic tolerance is the opposite of getting offended due to “the principle of it..”.