‍for the men :

‍

‍Though this won’t apply to all relationships, there are many (what could be considered) masculine characteristics that women appreciate. Attributes like decisiveness, assertiveness, responsibility, reliability, stability, protectiveness, and staying centred.

‍

‍The stable shelter is a good allegory. Masculinity can provide stability and shelter from the buffeting of life, yet is not unduly restrictive or controlling. A woman feels safer because she has someone that knows about her world, and has her best interests at heart.

‍

‍Decisiveness - You are willing to make a decision, even if it isn’t perfect. You have been curious enough to learn (and write down as it comes up), your partner’s likes and dislikes. Being decisive helps reduce a woman’s “cognitive load” - having multiple things she is concerned about at the same time.

‍Example : the turn-key date - “Hey honey, I’ve made reservations for us at that new Thai restaurant on Friday at 7pm. Mum said she can have the kids”.

‍

‍Assertiveness - be willing to put forward your own needs in a diplomatic way without becoming needlessly aggressive. You are clear and upfront about your needs. You might be assertive in representing your needs as a couple to others (such as in-laws or friends).

‍

‍Stability - You can open without being reactive. If your wife is upset, you can listen calmly (aka understanding-by-curiosity). You can stick to your guns, but also willing to compromise when it is best for your relationship.

‍

‍Responsibility - You can take on tasks and get them done. When you say you will do something, your partner has no doubt that it will get done, because you said you would. If there is a real obstacle that is beyond your control, you are upfront and keep her in the loop.

‍